A reflection on what I wish I knew before college.

Hindsight - it can be heart-wrenching, bittersweet, relieving. There is no way to quantify how such a phenomenon can feel each time I experience it, but regardless of how it manifests, retroactive thinking always reveals significant lessons to us. Now a first semester sophomore at Marist – specifically meaning I was in the COVID-19 high school class of 2020 – it seems as though there are countless things I wish I could have known before entering college but did not necessarily comprehend. Thinking back specifically to freshman year, there are a few things that notably stand out that I either misconceived or was simply ignorant regarding college academics, social life and personal discovery.

A habit I am still trying to break is my unhealthy desire to receive A’s in all of my classes. Perhaps the fact that my need for academic validation is so prominent that I cannot seem to let go of my intense need for an A on every exam, project and paper. As I sit here writing at my desk, and thus procrastinating my studying, something I would have loved to know both freshman year is that I am not going to achieve perfection in everything I do. Success and security are not defined by a superficial letter grade, rather they display through genuine growth in knowledge that should provide me with all the validation I could ever need. There is no harm in going the extra mile on a presentation or adding a few extra extra sources for that midterm paper, but there also is no harm in acknowledging and accepting the times when your true best does not live up to your irrationally perceived best.

Besides academics, my number one concern coming into college was making friends, which I think is something almost everyone can relate to. After completing a demoralizing senior year followed by the inability to attend any typical, in-person orientation events, my morale was low. I just wanted to meet everyone I could to feel some sense of normalcy. The success I had was minimal, and it sent me into a handful of depressive states throughout the year, so much so that I was dreading returning to campus for this semester.

But, now being only a month into my sophomore year, I can confidently say that I have met some of the coolest, most genuine people at Marist. What I wish I knew at this time last year was that real friendships take time to uncover. As painful as it may seem, you will drift away from most of the people that you meet at the beginning of your college experience, only to be reunited with Welcome Week memories come graduation. That detachment, though, is a good thing, for it teaches you a lot about personal growth and identity that you might not have found elsewhere.

College is all about finding yourself, but along that journey comes times in which your interests, desires and morals will be questioned. The fear of losing myself to the college experience, especially last year when I was drowning in homework, hand sanitizer and loneliness. But, if I could tell my freshman year self anything, it would be to embrace what you will learn about yourself, the good and the bad, and remember that staying true to yourself is just as important as uncovering new sides of you. I have preserved some of my most valuable morals and traits to this day, but I have become more outgoing, accepting and confident - all qualities that I was afraid of years ago. Identity is a puzzle that takes time to complete, but that should not make it intimidating.

Despite the unpredictability of how it can make you feel, hindsight provides many lessons that should be cherished. For me, I used my abnormal and obscure freshman year lifestyle to better the rest of my college experience thus far. The things I wish I knew can help others in a similar position as myself, but they also remind me of the things that I have been fortunate to gain with patience, time and optimism.

The Beauty of Hindsight

MARIST CIRCLE